I... don't even know.... what to call this.

Oh lord. I am so embarrassed and humiliated right now that I could cry, but I can't cry because I'm laughing too hard.

Blake and I got ourselves into our very first "OH MY GOSH! $#%@!!!! WHAT THE #$&& DO WE DO NOW?!?!?!" moments in Japan. Yeah, that sounds overly dramatic, but read on- you'll see that I'm not exaggerating. Oh, and to preface the story, don't worry. We made it home just fine, but with hardly any dignity intact. Oh gosh, here it goes.

So. Today was Valentine's Day. Last night, I baked a surprise heart shaped cake (thanks again, mom, for the cake pan!) while Blake slept, then I hid it in the oven so I could decorate it today. I wrote him a little "Happy Valentine's Day!" note and hid it in his hat so he'd find it when he left for work. Before he got home, I decorated the cake and made it all semi-pretty (I say semi-pretty because it wasn't drop-dead-gorgeous by any means!). He came home with not one, but two V-day cards. One was romantic; the other funny :) He went upstairs to get ready for a night out. We decided we were going to go to Ebina City and dine at Outback Steakhouse :)

So we headed out on our way. At the last minute, Blake pointed to a sideroad that we KNOW somehow leads to the big base and he said, "Do you want to try to get there from here?" I said, "Yeah! I've always been curious to know how to get there this way!" So he turned. And we got lost. Luckily enough, after a few turns, we made it out to a familiar road and made our way to the military parking lot at the train station. I said something along the lines of "Whew. That's the last mess up for tonight. Let's go!" Heh. Based on the intro of this blog, I'm sure you all know that WASN'T the last mess up of the night.

So we (uneventfully) make our way to Outback Steakhouse which we were kind of surprised to see was packed with Americans. There were maybe 3-4 tables with Japanese folks out dining; everyone else was American enjoying Valentine's Day with their loved ones. Anyways, Outback is at an outdoor mall so after dinner (which was absolutely delicious!!!) we walked around and got some treats for the boys at a really cool pet store. We didn't want to go home, but the stores were closing- We decided to go to a karaoke bar, just the two of us and have a fun time :)

On our way there, we missed our turn and got on some road that we were not even a little bit familiar with. it was a busy highway and we decided we'd just take the next exit. We drove for a while, only to find out that we were on a toll road. We pulled over at the booth and took a ticket. We had to make an immediate decision when we saw the road split in two directions. Tokyo or Nagoya. Well, Tokyo's closer. Let's, um, go there. I guess. We got off on the next exit and paid a 350 Yen toll (about $3.50). We only kinda-sorta knew where we were at so I pulled out our ginormous map of the area and unfolded it across my lap and across the dashboard (this map is something like 24"x36" big). Every time we drove under a road lamp, I tried to find our location on the map. After a few blocks of not being able to find our location, I said "I need some freaking light!!" out of frustration. That instant, the entire car lit up. We were going through the most lighted tunnel I've ever been through in my life. The tunnel was long enough for me to find our location on the map and to figure out where we had to go to get back to our karaoke place. Awesome, no? Okay, we said, maybe that's the last mess up of the night. Right. Read on.

We walked into our karaoke room. The door closed and locked behind us and from our previous visits, we know you have to pay upon exit. No biggie. We had a great time, sang lots, drank a bunch of water and hot chocolate. A couple hours later, we were feeling ready to go home. We went to pay (expecting a 5000 Yen -$45ish- bill) but we were surprised to find that it was 7500 Yen. After we got over our initial shock (How could this be?, we wondered), we just decided we'd pay the extra because it's easier than trying to ask them why the price was higher than usual. We emptied our pockets. Oh crap. We only had 7000 Yen. We were 500 Yen short. Even though we knew that we were out of money, we kept checking all of our pockets, as though a 500 yen coin was going to materialize out of pocket lint. Well, it never did.

So we thought No biggie. We'll just use the card. Well, we swiped it. It didn't work. We swiped it again. It didn't work. Over and over we tried it but it never worked. We looked at each other thinking, "Uhhhhh. WHat the hell do we do now?! We're locked in!" I said, "i KNOW! I'll pick up the phone in the room and speak in my broken Japanese (THANK YOU AESA FOR THE SCHOLARSHIP WITHOUT WHICH I WOULD NOT BE ENROLLED IN JAPANESE CLASS) and I'll get us out of here!" So I picked up the phone, ready to put my Japanese skills to good use. There was no one on the phone. So I figured, maybe I have to dial "0" so I tried. Nothing. I tried hitting random buttons. Still, nothing. For 5 minutes I played with the $&@$ phone and I couldn't make contact with the people downstairs.

LUCKILY I had my cell phone. We found the number to the downstairs people in a little information pamphlet that was sitting on the table in the room. I dialed. The lady who answered said something about being in a karaoke parlor or something something. I'm not quite sure. Anyways, I said, "Uhhh.. Eigo ga wakarimasu ka? (Do you speak English?)" She said, "ehhhh, no. no. Sew-reee" and then started speaking in Japanese. I said, "Uhh... Sambyaku san. Kite kudasai." (Room 303. Come please). She spoke quickly, like she didn't understand what I was saying. I know! I thought. I'll reapeat it! Surely, she'll understand me this time! "Sambyaku san. Kite kudasai." Again, she began speaking in Japanese. CRAP. We're not getting out of here alive! said the voice of reason inside my head. "Uhh, kuredito kaado (credit card) no work. Need help. Uhh." say the room number again, I thought. "Sambyaku san! Sambyaku san!" Somehow after about 5 minutes of this game, I got my message across. She said, "Oh! Oh! I come you wait". I hung up the phone and told Blake "I think we're saved!!!" I hadn't really noticed while I was on the phone, but I was shaking something fierce and he was rubbing my shoulders to keep me calm. Calm is not a word or action that I know of when I'm LOCKED in a room in a foreign country.

I heard voices in the hallway. The voices in my head told me to scream "HELP US! WE ARE TRAPPED IN HERE AND WE ARE GOING TO DIE IN HERE! WE WILL NEVER SEE OUR FRIENDS OR OUR FAMILY OR OUR DOGS EVER AGAIN. HELP US! PLEASE HELP US!" but before I could, we heard a knock at the door. I could have said, "Come in" but I don't know what good that would have done because she probably wouldn't understand it anyways. So what else could I do? I knocked back.

She opened the door. I had never been so happy to meet someone in a karaoke parlor. Never. I'll probably never be that happy in a karaoke place ever again, either. I held up my credit card and motioned the swiping motion and said, "Doesn't work. Doesn't work". I held out the receipt/invoice thing that says our bill was supposed to be around 5000 Yen. She said, "You wait. Me change. wait please" and she left. Blake and I tidied up the room because after something like this, we couldn't leave it anything less than spectacularly clean! Less than 5 minutes later, our hero came back. She pushed a few buttons on the machine and it said we owed 5000 Yen. Blake proceeded to force feed bills into the machine while the lady pointed at "7500" on the receipt. Then she pointed at 24:00 (midnight) and said, "Gozen-en desu (it's 5000 Yen). " Then she pointed to "24:00" and said, "made (until)". Then she pointed at "7500". So I gather that the bill is 5000Y until midnight and then it jumps up to 7500Y. We bowed and said over and over "Domo Arigato Gozaimasu!!" (Thank you very much!!!). We got our of the room and on our way down the elevator we said, "So. Let's come back here never!"

We were both still feeling a mixture of embarrassment, humiliation, and anxiety as we walked to the car. I opened my wallet to get out my ID. Wait. Where's my credit card?! I checked all my pockets and Blake checked all of his. I kept checking every nook and cranny in my wallet, again hoping that the card would just materialize out of nowhere. It never did. You've got to be kidding me. I dropped it in the room!!!!

I don't want to go back in there! I don't want to go back in there! Maybe they'll find it and just burn it and I'll never ever worry about it again!!! Yes! That's logical! Okay, maybe it's not logical. I guess I have to go back. We go back. I'm so sure the lady is super glad to see us again! I tried to explain that my credit card was upstairs in our room. Here we were again, playing charades. Blake even made the motion that he was dropping the card, then pointed up. I think the lady might have just thought that he was just clumsy for dropping his card and he just felt like pointing to God? I don't know. Then it hit me. "Watashi no kuredito kaado sambyaku san!" (My credit card 303) LOL

She got it. She totally got it. She motioned for me to go up and for Blake to wait. I went up and there it was. My beautiful credit card was just waiting for me. I came downstairs feeling even MORE utterly humiliated and ashamed than I've ever been in my life. First, we go somewhere and end up not having enough cash. Then our card doesn't work. Then we don't speak Japanese. Then they knock down the price. Then we pay. Then we're set free. Then I go back. Then I leave. Again.

My head hurts, I'm so embarrassed, I'm never going to go there again. Well, maybe we will... Because other than that, the night was totally awesome. Actually I'm pretty sure that after my embarrassment meter goes down, this will be an awesome memory for us :)

So there you have it. Valentine's Day 2008. Beat THAT, all future Valentine's Days!!!